Chapter 125:
Sometimes questions arrive with answers.
In the moment of understanding the problem, people naturally know the solution. But not all methods are easy to achieve, just like many people understand that staying up late is not good, eating sweet and greasy food is not good, but still can't give up.
Being a four-star, the slight emptiness, the unexpected lack of emotion and passion, all indicate one thing that people do not want to admit-after becoming a five-star, he may not necessarily feel Happy, maybe even more confused.
Xingdou's goal has always been to become a five-star character. He wants to change destiny, change the past that was once neglected, change the future that is destined to be abandoned. He thought that if he became a five-star character, all this would be solved.
The bubbles floating in the air want to maintain their brilliance forever in the sun.
He kept telling himself to move forward, and constantly motivated himself with the only goal that seemed to hang high in the sky, tirelessly and without sorrow. Like Kuafu who is obsessively chasing the sun, he is single-minded and unwavering.
Because he firmly believes that that is the final answer, that is the way of redemption, that is the opportunity of transformation.
Maybe he is pessimistically thinking that it is an impossible goal at all, or a wish that can be achieved with a lifetime of effort, so he can wholeheartedly, without thinking about any other way, without worrying about further distances future, moving in one direction.
But things have changed now, things that were out of reach seem to be only one step away, if you stretch out your arms and try hard enough, you seem to be able to reach them.
Those who were about to take off the moon found that they were not as happy as they thought. So he hung in the air, unable to help but be afraid—the moon is beautiful because it is far away. If you get the moon, will the moon still be so beautiful?
What should I do after I get the moon?
Literally, the answer to this question is readily available.
Even if you get the moon, you can go looking for the next star. There are so many stars in the sky, so many unexplored areas, and an infinitely vast sky, why hesitate? Why stop here?
Xingdou hesitated.
Because that is the moon that he never got in the past, that is the moon that he blocked everything in exchange for, and that is the moon that represents his life so far.
If you give up so easily, then give up so casually, if so simply forget.
—Isn’t that just denying him?
Once the moon is no longer shining, dim and ordinary, nothing may change. Before the end came, he still couldn't escape the shadow of the past.
At a certain moment, Xingdou even had the idea of retreating - if such a thing happened, it would be better to let the moon hang in the high sky and shine on him forever, at least that way, before The road always looks bright and the world is full of hope.
But that's not right.
He is also very clear that unfulfilled dreams are both antidote and poison.
He will always run to the swamp of dreams without hesitation, until he is engulfed by the boundless burden, until he falls asleep in a deep dream.
Among the ingredients that make up the Star Dou, "becoming a five-star" has probably been firmly bound to him, like the desire to integrate into the soul and blood, like the natural breath between the breath.
Perhaps it is this idea that has almost become an extremely important part of life, which can overcome the unbearable dreamland and pass on the tragic experience, hoping that he will not repeat the same mistakes.
But this bond also brought troubles when the mission was about to end, like gouging out the flesh and blood attached to the bones, just fantasy brought labor pains and felt the blood flowing.
What happens next? What's next? What will he become?
Extremely rare, Xingdou felt confused about the path he was going to take. What worries him the most is - who is Xingdou who lost his dream?
"Any fate, no matter how long and complicated, is really only reflected in a single moment.
—The moment when people realize who they really are. "
That was the words of a book in a recent literary appreciation class. For some reason, at this time, he suddenly remembered this sentence, which he had only read once, very clearly, as if it was echoing in the silent valley, replaying it in his mind over and over again.
Who is Xingdou?
He looked at the black-haired boy in the mirror beside him, and determined that with the confusion in the man's eyes, he couldn't see the important things clearly.
Humans are social animals, relying on themselves and the environment to determine their own position and appearance, and continue to work hard for this appearance throughout their lives.
"Who is 'I'?" Xingdou murmured softly, opened the virtual terminal, slender fingers hesitantly entered a few words, paused in the air, and finally clicked OK button.
Today's school forum idol section is very lively.
The reason for this is a certain first grader who has been discussed in private and dare not say anything openly.
The person who is ruthless in his behavior and strong in strength makes people dare not make mistakes, and has been well-known since the beginning of the school. However, due to various reasons, no one dared to open a separate post to say something, at most, he gave a few vague words and then gave up in a hurry, for fear of attracting the attention of the parties concerned.
But today this unspoken rule is broken.
Someone posted a discussion thread directly in the forum, and wrote a sentence in extremely straightforward words.
“What kind of person is Xingdou?”
Yang Yu was still a little confused when he received this anonymous message. How could someone ask such a question.
He didn't know whose prank it was, or just provocation, because the question sounded so strange.
"What kind of person is Xingdou?", you can come to your own conclusion by asking about this kind of thing. Why do you ask him specifically, is it possible that he has a good relationship with Xingdou? close? Want to get the most valuable information?
But speaking of which, Xing Dou didn't come today to ask for a leave of absence. I don't know what happened, so that he could ask for a leave of absence who never missed a class. What should I do if I get sick from being overworked like last time, or is there something I have to deal with that is delayed?
But he didn't say anything, so guessing is not necessarily right.
Thinking of this, the originally calm mood suddenly sank.
Speaking of which, he doesn't know much about what kind of person Xing Dou is. That person is really too cautious and xenophobic, never letting people see his inner flaws and weaknesses, always blocking all eyes from the outside world with a barrier comparable to an iceberg.
After staring at him for so long, he still can't tell what kind of person Xingdou is.
But in his eyes, the stars are not blurred.
The blond boy hesitated for a moment, and his mentality that he didn't want to take care of this anonymous question quietly changed, thinking about it and typing a reply: "Xingdou, he is..."
When he answered, he didn't realize that at the same time he received this question, Xia Yuan and Anmas who were sitting beside them were staring at their terminal in a daze, even raising their eyebrows and frowning Mei, as if encountering a problem.
"This is really an interesting question." Xia Yuan pushed his glasses down, and he did not choose to delete spam as usual.
"Who would ask this?" Anmus thought for a while, tapped the screen, and tried to enter something.
"Why didn't Xingdou come today? Do you want to go and see it later?" Wen Lun at the back of the classroom rested his cheeks in one hand, spinning all kinds of thoughts in his mind, clicking on the virtual terminal at will, as if bored, "Um?"
The light blue light of the screen reflected in those black eyes, revealing a three-pointed interest: "It happened to be a problem with the forum, is it a coincidence, or..."
The pink-haired boy who felt that he had the answer laughed and began to enter the answer briskly.
"Is this a prank? It must be." "No."
The silver-haired twins were arguing about some boring things again today. Jing Liu opened the score without seeing it, and wanted to write down the inspiration he got from watching someone else's game yesterday.
But they quarreled more and more.
"Whoever takes his affairs to the forum casually, must be deliberately trying to attract attention! Just to make that person angry, of course it's a prank."
The one who provokes this authority. He must be curious because he doesn't know!"
The meaning of these words made Jingliu notice something and forcibly interrupted their quarrel: "Why are you arguing?"
"That's it!" The two pointed to the question on the school forum at the same time, and then showed their private inbox.
The prominent post appears on the front page.
"I seem to have received it too." Jing Liu glanced at the place that he hadn't noticed before, thoughtfully, "I set it to reject messages from strangers in order to avoid being disturbed, so I think Think, who might ask this question... oh yes, so it is."
"Don't worry about the purpose of this question." He said to the twins who were staring at each other, "You just need to answer according to your own ideas."
"Maybe it will turn into a nice surprise." The genius composer is very meaningful.
Xiang Ming watched the recap of the game with a stern face, and heard the other students around him were a little excited from the very beginning, gathered together and whispered something, and his mood became more and more irritable.
Their game didn't go very well, how could this group of people be so smiling now.
He was about to scold him for a few words when he saw the anonymous message, his face became darker after seeing the content, but he sat down again.
"Oh, who is that guy, do you need to say it?" The slender fingers wrote the content smoothly, the expression of the owner seemed to shield the originally impatient environment, and became extremely serious .
There are many more people doing similar things today.
For the first time, he tried to see himself in the eyes of others, and when he reached out and opened the top letter, there was still some imperceptible trembling.
The large piece of writing jumped out, and he subconsciously held his breath.
“What kind of person is Xingdou?”
[Xing Dou is an iceberg. 】
The moment I saw the opening sentence, my heart inevitably sank, Xingdou pursed his lips, and continued to read.
[You know the iceberg. It is very majestic and tall, and it is a place that is difficult for humans to conquer and touch. Xing Dou is like an iceberg, cold and harsh, and he treats all those who want to be close to him with ruthlessness, without leaving any classmates' friendship. So if you want to get close, you must be prepared to be treated coldly.
However, icebergs are also very, very beautiful, and the first sight of human beings is enough to marvel at its wonder and magnificent beauty. Whether it is the dazzling appearance that glitters and attracts attention in the sun, or the majestic figure that is silent and firm at night, there seems to be a kind of magic power, urging people to keep exploring and moving forward.
Everyone knows that the exposed part of the iceberg may only be one percent, and the bigger and more secrets are hidden under the ice. If you want to explore, I advise you to give up, Xingdou won't tell you, and it's meaningless.
Although some people say that secrets are the source of charm, for me, Star Dou is not different because of those secrets. After all, before I knew the secret, all I saw was that kind of star fight.
Maybe one day he will melt and no longer hide, I don't need that, because all I see are stars. Well, of course there is still a bit of anticipation that the gift that is sent will be accepted. 】
Xingdou watched this reply silently for a while, then silently opened the next one.
[Xingdou is as terrifying as the fog.
When people walk in the fog, they will lose their direction, be trapped in one place, and cannot get out. He is that kind of person. If you want to explore something out of curiosity, I advise you to give up your thoughts as soon as possible. Some fogs can devour people. He came to you as if no one else was there, and inadvertently showed you the stunning scenery under the layers of fog, which made you curious out of time, walked in unconsciously, and then fell into a loss. The thought of breaking free disappeared.
If you are not entangled in the fog to a willing idea, it is better not to provoke that person. This is a foreshadowing. I don't want to see a second guy who's head over heels like a fool. Although it seems like a lot of people already do. 】
Next.
[Using animals as an analogy, Xingdou is like a black panther. It looks majestic, with amazing momentum, agile and strong, not easy to approach, and there is a danger of biting people at any time. Approaching such a creature is a very risky move, but sometimes humans do ignore many crises because of the beauty of the surface, and feel that they can conquer such an existence.
But in unexpected places, leopards are cute. Compared to the brutality in their imaginations, they are actually very disciplined, they only do things within the rules, and they are talented and hardworking. The fur feels warm to the touch, and it eats well. At the critical moment, it will stand up, tear up the falsehood and lies, and become the direction that guides everyone forward.
A very reliable person. 】
Next one.
[It's a secret, but it's probably okay to tell you.
Xingdou is my god. He is very gentle but pretends to be cold, obviously wants to get rid of trouble but can't help but care about others, obviously can ignore those people but stretch out his hand again and again, so he is a **** that occasionally makes me a little annoyed and jealous.
But there is no way, I liked him like this from the beginning, so although I sometimes have some bad thoughts, I still hold back. I really wish he could compliment me for that.
The Lord God always treats him equally, he does not know how many people look at him, follow him, and look up to him. I'm just one of those who make no difference to him, but I know something else. For example, Lord God is not omnipotent, there are things that cannot be done, and he is also sad and worried about certain things, and he has many secrets.
Even so, he still appeared indestructible, giving no chance at all. It's really annoying that I don't even have the chance to get a good impression on me. I don't care what he has become, what secrets he has, what he wants to do, as a believer, I have long been on his side unconditionally. Recently, he seems to finally have the idea of acting like a spoiled child. He asked something I would never ask normally, which was really surprising.
Even if it is a god, I want to make a wish to him, I hope he will be happy, I hope he will be healthy, I hope he will be happier when he sees my answer.
You say, this time, will he be willing to fulfill my wish? 】
At a certain moment, Xingdou thought that he had seen through his identity, but he quickly rejected it—anonymous information is not so easy to decipher, it should be an illusion.
The next two replies are strikingly consistent in some respects, appearing to have been written by two people in deliberation, with only some wording changed when they were sent.
[Xingdou is a liar rabbit/fox.
He was very cunning and treacherous, deceived our feelings and then thought that nothing had happened. He said he wanted to work with us and he was ready to break the agreement. It was hateful. But for the sake of his good dancing/acting, we reluctantly forgive him.
Xing Dou smiles very nicely, but his face is always expressionless and his attitude is fierce, not friendly at all. If it weren't for his pretty eyes/soft lips, we wouldn't be bothering him.
Ah yes, telling you this is to keep you from hitting him. That's the fox/rabbit we ordered and only came to lie to us. 】
Odd wording with subtle maintenance.
The next one is extraordinarily simple, with a sheet of music, and the style is original.
Out of curiosity, he played that piece.
It is a beautiful song, the melody is thick and gentle, like the sound of light chanting softly in the dark alone, and like a traveler holding hope to overcome difficulties.
In the music, he saw the next reply.
[It's a jerk. ] Begin with a succinct statement.
Finally, I got the response I imagined, and Xingdou relaxed for a while, but the more I looked at it, the more strange it became.
If he is detached from people, except for the practical benefits, this guy is not moved at all.
If it wasn't for his strength, he might have been beaten. But that face is okay, and there are probably no people willing to hit him at this point. In short, although I don't know what you're asking him to do, I advise you not to think about having a good relationship with him.
He does dance well, sings well, and plays the violin well, but he has a terrible personality. Usually I don't take other people seriously at all, I don't even return Valentine's Day gifts, I don't remember other people's birthdays, and I always disturb people's hearts. Let you remember everything he has done, you can't forget it, and even subconsciously associate something.
It invades your mind like a virus and changes your mood, but at this point, the guy is still unmoved, he doesn't even give a blessing before the game, such a ruthless guy , must not be approached! Remember? 】
Probably annoying? Xing Dou judged hesitantly and decided to take a look at the reaction on the forum. The situation so far made him feel that he was off track.
The speech on the forum is much more than the introduction of the reply.
The uncrowned king that was passed down privately in the first grade, a very strong person. 】
[He is a very powerful person, I have seen his games, he must be able to debut, right? 】
】
【He is a good student who is liked by teachers! Damn, every time I take a class with him, the teacher likes to order him to perform, although I also like to watch him dance or act...]
【Am I the only one who thinks he is actually a magical person? Sometimes I seem to notice it, sometimes I can't, but I've been able to see it lately. 】
But there is one thing to say, the aura is so strong during the game that I can't take my eyes off. 】
[He is a lovely person. He has instructed me once. Although I had the cheek to ask, he was surprisingly good at talking. 】
[The above lies! Obviously not easy to approach, I asked for his contact information and was rejected again. Woohoo. 】
Isn't that the king we recognized in the first grade? I heard that he has a lot of admirers. I almost joined that organization. After all, they are really attractive. Who doesn't like the powerful and ruthless Kaolin Flower? 】
[Is a straight man. The last time someone wanted to confess, they were rejected by Xingdou, who didn't understand at all. Damn I showdown, it's me. But I still like him very much, he looks so beautiful on stage, shining like a star. 】
【Same feeling, like a person with the same name and the same star. Distant and dazzling, it is obviously quite cold, but it looks heart-warming. 】
[Xingdou is a genius, I heard that he does everything well. Occasionally took the same class with him, no matter if he is a genius or not, I am convinced of his strength. If I could make friends with him, I would probably be very proud. 】
[Xingdou is my leader. To be honest, it was because of him that I decided to switch to the idol department. I don't think anyone can resist his appearance on stage. It's really great to be able to successfully switch to the idol department! It's Class E now, but if I can catch up with him one day, maybe I can talk to him a little bit. 】
【What else can Star Dou be like? That's it. Always shining on the stage, always bringing surprises, always attracting attention. I'm a little jealous at this point. 】
…
Every word, few people say anything negative.
Xingdou closed the forum in a bit of confusion, just in time to see the late reply from the manager.
[Xingdou is my proud idol!
He is hardworking, sincere, gentle, and the person I want all the beautiful words in the world to describe. The luckiest thing for me is to meet Xing Dou, whose existence alone has given me so much.
If you meet him, please don't be stingy, give him hugs, give him praise, give him love.
Because he deserves it. 】
Even the teacher who thought she would ignore it also got involved.
[Xingdou is a student who is a headache.
He looks very well-behaved, but in fact he has a lot of ideas and secrets. He often does things that he has never thought about. He is also very rebellious and has unyielding bones. It took a lot of effort to teach him.
But young people should do what young people want to do, it is their desire to fly, and it is the responsibility of adults to catch them before they fall. So I don't think there's anything wrong with that kid.
Watching him reminds me of a lot of youthful things to do, like watching a seedling grow awkwardly, which is a lot of fun.
He is also a child with great potential and great strength. Sometimes I can be very childish, and I argue with me about some strange things, but it is very polite, and I never miss the class, except today, maybe I am sick. Alas, it's really worrying, since becoming a teacher, I've always been thinking about things for some troublesome children.
Although I don't know what you want to know. But my answer is that it is a child who will be expected to grow up. Maybe one day, he will appear on a bigger and more suitable stage. Before that, waiting is a sweet process. 】
[He is a gifted and good boy. However, many places need to be sharpened, and the future can be expected. 】
Xingdou stopped looking at his hand and fell into another kind of daze.
Why?
Before this, Xingdou wasn't sure if this whim would help or what the outcome would be. He was always prepared for the worst. It sounds too cowardly, but it is an insurance measure to prevent him from being disappointed and painful because of the too large gap.
But this mental preparation did not tell him how to behave when the unimaginable happened.
He waits every day on his own territory, becoming a lonely and silent king, watching the rising and setting of the sun, listening to the spring breeze and summer rain, and feeling that everything has nothing to do with it.
From the day he saw the world, he was ready to be with this loneliness.
It was only when he looked back.
—before he knew it, he had a garden.
In the blink of an eye, warm water drops fell, and the vision changed from blurred to clear.
The black-haired boy wiped away the water with the back of his hand, and complained in a slightly nasal voice: "If this goes on, what should I do about the thing that I promised not to cry?"