Chapter (58)
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Yes, there is no need to be nervous and sleepless because of sharing a bed with him.
Tao Ling nodded, and went inside to hug the quilt.
At two o'clock in the night, Tao Ling rolled over and got out of bed.
Really unable to sleep, he got up and went to the living room, where Wen Qingying was sound asleep on the sofa.
When his eyes got used to the darkness, he walked to the sofa and squatted down, watching him in the night for a while, and finally got up and went into the study.
Turning on the desk lamp and opening the half of the bookcase that belonged to Tao Jun, Tao Ling counted the books in order and took them out. He took a look and found that it was "Call Me by Your Name".
Tao Ling had seen the movie of the same name before, so he naturally knew what the book was about. He habitually flipped through it first, and the pages of the book flew past his eyes, and suddenly notes flashed across the middle.
He was stunned, turned back quickly, and found a small place that Tao Jun had sketched.
"My whole life hangs in the balance."
What attracted Tao Ling was not this sentence in the book, but what Tao Jun casually wrote beside it——
"He said break up. I said yes."
Tao Ling's fingers were shaking a little, so he continued to flip through it, and found that Tao Jun had written intermittently in this book, like a diary, but without a date:
"I told Xiao Ling wrongly before, but I finally discovered what true cowardice is? Cowardice means that I can no longer face Xia Tian after this summer."
"If you walk a line starting at dusk, you will never reach daylight."
"There are a lot of helplessness in life. I have known since I was a child that becoming a big orphan with a little orphan is the first helplessness. Hiding the true self is the helplessness that makes you stronger. I want to scold the big boss but swallow it for the salary. It is helplessness. The most helpless thing is that I clearly know that some results are inevitable, but I am still sad about the inevitable."
"When did I become such a person who likes to sigh? It's so pretentious that it's annoying."
"People are such ambiguous things."
These words without beginning or end were scattered everywhere, as if the plastic wrap was suddenly ripped open in front of Tao Ling, revealing a Tao Jun who had been hidden from him.
He put down the book, reopened the bookcase, and rummaged through each book one by one. He found that occasionally books were used as diaries, so he read more than thirty books, and this was the first time he saw one with notes.
After searching for a while, Tao Ling simply turned on the headlight, took out the books one by one, and flipped through them one by one.
The more I turned my head, the blurrier my vision became.
Wen Qingying slept until midnight, woke up in a daze, and found that Tao Ling's study door was ajar, with some light coming from inside.
Looking at his phone, he saw that it was almost three o'clock. He lifted the quilt and stood up.
Afraid of scaring Tao Ling, he knocked hard on the door a few times before pushing it open. As soon as he entered, he saw Tao Ling standing by the bookcase holding a book.
The first moment he looked over, Tao Ling looked up at him, his face filled with tears.
Wen Qingying's heart suddenly stopped, and she strode up to him. She couldn't ask any questions, so she had to raise her hand and wipe his tears in a panic.
The corners of his mouth were uncontrollably pulled down, which was a physiological reaction of extreme grievance and sadness. When Wen Qingying made a move, sadness suddenly overwhelmed Tao Ling, and it swept over Tao Ling like a tsunami.
He put the book on the table, took a step forward, hugged Wen Qingying, buried his face in his neck, and cried in panic.
Wen Qingying pursed her lips and immediately returned her arms to hug him tightly. She glanced past his ears to the table and read the sentence clearly on the page. "I have to live a good life, and I can't let my little Ling become a child that no one loves."
Wen Qingying looked away from the book and looked behind Tao Ling, only to see the glass jar containing the broken vase.
After a two-second pause, he closed his eyes tightly and held Tao Ling's hand harder and harder. He buried his face in Tao Ling's hair, held his waist with one hand, and stroked his back back and forth with the other.
Tao Ling burst into tears. He finally threw away all reason at the moment and vented out all the unspeakable pain in the past three years since Tao Jun left, even from childhood to adulthood, in the arms of his beloved.
Except for Tao Jun, no one has ever allowed him to be so unscrupulous.
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